give into love or live in fear.

i know i've dropped off the face of the blogging planet, and perhaps i'm inspired by the way that the events in iran are being followed and maybe even shaped by all the blogging and twittering... crazy what our technological world has become! anyhow, i do want to continue to use this blog to keep everyone abreast of both the events in my life and the thoughts that accompany them, as well as the internet can do that.

the most substantial "event" in my life as of late is that david and i have cancelled our wedding and broken off our relationship. this has been the culmination of a long, hard struggle, and it has been full of pain and hurt and sadness. yet, it has also been full of growth and claiming, for me, who i am and who i want to be in confidence and freedom. i am a strong woman who cares about women's issues, who feels Christ's call in her life to be a compassionate accompanier and empowerer for those who are oppressed or struggling, who claims for herself and wants to share with others the belovedness that each of us have from God, who experiences and wants to give to the world celebration, joy, depth of relationship, peace, faith, hope, life, and love. how amazing it is that God can use the pain and the hurt even to bring deeper strength and understanding and life. so even in the heartbreak, i am still grateful.

i am also continuing to work at joseph's house full time through the summer, while i live with one of the nurses and her family in the generous hospitality of their home a few miles from j-house. at the end of the summer, i will move into an intentional community with my best friend emily and 5 other lovely men and women and share life with them there. i'm looking forward to those relationships and that community - thanks be to God for providing a life-giving home! and at the end of august, i will begin a masters in social work program at catholic university here in dc and stay at joseph's house very part time. lots of new relationships, new learning... my life has no lack of transition or newness to it. and there is excitement about what may come - through social work, or maybe going back to africa for a while, or who knows - i do have faith that God will lead me.

i want to close this post with some lyrics from the musical rent, which is of course one of my favorites and which i was given the gift of going to see live here in town a few weeks ago! the song is called "another day," and the lyrics i love are this:

there's only now
there's only here
give into love
or live in fear
no other path
no other day
no day but today

i want to live each moment of each day choosing the fullness of love, not fear or anger. yes, i am grieving and hurting, and i want to acknowledge that and let myself feel it as i move through the heartbreak. and yes, keeping my heart open, choosing love over fear means that my heart will be broken again - each time i love a new resident that i know will probably die, i know i will mourn; each time i open my heart to another human being, i know i could be hurt. but as john writes in 1 john 4, love is from God, and when we love one another, God's love is made complete in us. i have experienced that love and want to live in the power of that love. that is living, my friends. may it be so in my life.