so i've recently started reading a book called "half the sky" by nicholas kristof and sheryl wudunn about turning oppression into opportunity for women around the world. it's a captivating, sometimes sickening in its description of the truth, powerful book about the oppression and violence endured by women around the world as well as movements that are at work to turn that around. i've been inspired and disturbed by the book, as it builds on my pre-existing passion for women's issues and feminism. i'm only about half-way through, but i would definitely recommend the book for anyone who is interested in gender inequality and the way it affects the world. i appreciate especially the way the authors link the oppression of and violence against women to the well-being of all of us, male or female - how educating and empowering women can lead to a decrease in terrorism, an increase in the economic climate, and a greater respect for all humanity, male and female.
as i've been reading this book, i've also been thinking about my own power and oppression as a woman. of course, as a middle-class, highly educated, white woman living in the U.S., i have a lot of advantages that many of the women in the book do not. as much as i can protest the objectification of women's bodies, the unequal pay for women in the workplace, the lack of women in corporate and government leadership, and these things are real and incredibly important to address, i also don't have to worry very often about being kidnapped and sold as a prostitute, or gang-raped by my town's leaders, or the police. i believe that the misogyny and sexism that exists in our world is a worldwide issue, and does manifest itself in incredible and horrible ways in the u.s., including rape and domestic violence and abuse. but i also acknowledge that sometimes all this thinking and talking about women's issues is an academic issue more than a lived experience.
this week, however, i got a little chance to act on behalf of myself as a woman and, i hope, women in the world.
on thursday, i got to take a group of guys from the substance abuse inpatient program where i have my field placement on a field trip to the national portrait gallery. we've been talking in our therapy group about emotions, identifying and expressing emotions and feelings, and so we were excited to take the guys to the museum and have them identify the emotions portrayed in the beautiful paintings, as well as get out of the shelter and experience some culture. as we were crossing a street, one of the guys who i don't know very well came over to me and said, "do you need me to hold your hand while we cross the street?" i replied, no, and continued walking. at this point, he put his arm around my shoulder and jeered, "are you sure?" i moved away and walked ahead, while he yelled ahead at me, "you sure do look nice today!" i felt annoyed, uncomfortable, powerless. i didn't know how to respond, so i didn't. how many times has this happened in my life - a guy verbally harassing me, and i try to just ignore it and say nothing, because i don't know what to say. i avoided him for the rest of the trip, stewing over it and feeling awkward. when we got back to the shelter, i realized that this was an opportunity for me to stand up. if i don't do it now, i'll never start. so i went back to his room and told him that i felt upset by how he had treated me, and i wanted to treat him with respect and wanted him to treat me the same way. he was very apologetic and embarrassed, told me he was just joking around, and said he was sorry. i then told him that often time, when men "joke around" like that with women, it isn't a joke to us - it is uncomfortable and objectifying and disrespectful. i asked him to please treat me as he would one of the male social workers. he said he would, and i left his room.
now, i felt incredibly empowered by this experience (sorry this is long - if you've made it this far, congratulations!). for perhaps the first time in my life, i'd stood up to objectification and been received well, and i'd been able to make it a lesson not just about how i should be treated but how he as a man should treat women. i still feel grateful for that. but as i continue to reflect on the experience, i also feel some sadness and compassion. that man didn't and probably still doesn't know how else to interact with a woman in a meaningful way. he was being honest when he told me he wasn't trying to be disrespectful. how he treated me, this is what he's learned from the culture, from his peers, from the media, from the streets. he, too, is a victim, missing out on human connections with the women around him that goes beneath physical looks to souls touching. so as i continue on my journey of empowered womanhood and feminism, my desire is not only to stand up for myself and the women around the world, but also to extend compassion and awareness to the men around me and around the world who don't know how else to act, who are just as powerless, caught up in a system of violence and oppression where the only way they know how to treat women is to objectify and dominate them to make themselves feel powerful. i want to pursue the way of Jesus that does not just demonize enemies, but loves them, creating a space for transformation of all people.
may we all know the transforming power of love.
