for any of you who didn't yet see the article, photos, and sound clips from the washington post on joseph's house, which is really quite beautiful, the link to the photos is here, from which you can see the article and the sound clips.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/gallery/2008/11/30/GA2008113002282.html?hpid=multimedia1&hpv=local
Friday, December 19, 2008
and the pendulum swings...
as i should have know and somewhat expected, things at joseph's house have once again swung in the opposite direction. remember when a month or so ago, i was struggling being in the house because it felt so hard to live with so many people who were too "healthy" (meaning independent despite their precarious physical states), dealing with the hard issues of living together like conflict, trust, addictions, relationships, and all that human stuff? as much as some of those factors remain, the feeling of the house has once again shifted, and four residents have passed away in the past few weeks, as well as one in the hospital who just today flatlined and is on life support in the ICU. it's interesting how there always seems to be more death around the holiday season... and sad. something about the holidays lends itself to an increase of emotions, whether it's love (as seems to be evident in the fact that everywhere i go, there are couples making out! including at the kennedy center during a performance of handel's messiah. i mean, really??) or sadness. anyhow, it's been hard actually after being so used to the residents who had been here for a while to have things shifting and changing, and to once again be around so much death and sadness. it especially affects the community when those who have been here for a long time pass away, because the residents both acutely miss their best friends and see their own mortality in the passing of their friends. it's amazing, though, the kinds of relationships that the residents have with one another, relationships full of love and friendship unlike they've perhaps ever experienced before. i find myself without tears when i hear about someone passing away, but to see the other residents around his or her body, speaking words of sorrow or anger or tenderness, gently helping us wash the body, kissing the face or the hands of their friend, the tears seem to flow freely. and today, with my friend in the hospital dying, being revived but now on life support, i am once again overwhelmed with the shock and finiteness of time, of opportunity, of chances to love and care. life is happening now! i want and need to be more present to each person i'm with in each moment...
the pendulum swing also seems an appropriate metaphor in my own life. last year, i felt as though i had tireless energy and time to give to this house, this place, these people. but this year, especially recently, i've felt much more tired and prone to want to withdraw, be alone in my room, spend time away from the house than i did last year. it's been hard to figure out, especially because it's not as though i'm spending more technical hours working. but it was helpful to have a friend suggest to me that perhaps the pendulum has swung back in my own life, that the overextension of last year is only now showing some signs of burnout, and i need to listen to them in order to try to find more equilibrium in the future. another season, another state of being to adjust to. so here i am, trying to have grace with myself and allow myself the space i need, but also to live fully and presently into each moment and relationship.
part of the reason i've been doing some more reflecting lately about the past year is that as the new year approaches, which always lends itself to self-reflection, so too approaches (this sunday!) the year anniversary of my and david's first date! (which, funny enough, i didn't realize was actually a date until afterwards, when i really hoped it was one!) it's been quite a year of growing and learning in that relationship too, but i am incredibly grateful for him and for the ways in which i've learned more about myself, the world, and love through and with him.
so in all things, through all seasons, through the up and down of the pendulum swing, i still say, "thanks be to God."
the pendulum swing also seems an appropriate metaphor in my own life. last year, i felt as though i had tireless energy and time to give to this house, this place, these people. but this year, especially recently, i've felt much more tired and prone to want to withdraw, be alone in my room, spend time away from the house than i did last year. it's been hard to figure out, especially because it's not as though i'm spending more technical hours working. but it was helpful to have a friend suggest to me that perhaps the pendulum has swung back in my own life, that the overextension of last year is only now showing some signs of burnout, and i need to listen to them in order to try to find more equilibrium in the future. another season, another state of being to adjust to. so here i am, trying to have grace with myself and allow myself the space i need, but also to live fully and presently into each moment and relationship.
part of the reason i've been doing some more reflecting lately about the past year is that as the new year approaches, which always lends itself to self-reflection, so too approaches (this sunday!) the year anniversary of my and david's first date! (which, funny enough, i didn't realize was actually a date until afterwards, when i really hoped it was one!) it's been quite a year of growing and learning in that relationship too, but i am incredibly grateful for him and for the ways in which i've learned more about myself, the world, and love through and with him.
so in all things, through all seasons, through the up and down of the pendulum swing, i still say, "thanks be to God."
Monday, December 1, 2008
updates.
just in case anyone is curious about what's going on for me right now...
my back is continuing to heal from my little biking accident a few months ago now. it's been quite the learning process, and pretty frustratingly slow, but i do feel much better and got back on my bike last week to ride to church. i still am amazed at how much i'm learning about taking my own physical health for granted, even living in a hospice, and about being able to ask for help. thank you all for your prayers, cards, packages (grams!), and love.
joseph's house is still keeping on. i've been working some more overnight shifts lately, which is a little hard for me but also can be a really nice time to connect with people in the house more one on one when everyone else is gone and things have quieted down. it's especially nice tonight after having been gone for a few days back to PA for thanksgiving. the feeling of walking up these steps and through these doors and have my friends here say, "we missed you!" and "it's good to have you back," and "welcome home!" it's beautiful. i continue to be grateful for this place of so much learning. and, i'll probably put a link to it on here when it comes out, but look for a big article about joseph's house in the washington post on tuesday december 2nd.
time back in pa for thanksgiving was really nice - it's always good to see family and friends, especially when i don't have school work looming over my head the whole time. and it was really nice to share all of that with david. i'm amazed at how, thoughout my life, i have been blessed with so many beautiful relationships.
as i look to the future, i've begun looking into different masters in social work programs around the dc area... i want to stay here, as it feels more and more like home, and i can't imagine leaving j-house, new community church, or my friends here. i feel a little uncertain about applying to grad school because i don't have a really clear vision of what i want to do with the degree, but i know that my options would be vast, and i feel like next fall will be about the right time to start something new. we'll see. please continue to keep me in your prayers as i work on applications and discerning what the next step is.
my back is continuing to heal from my little biking accident a few months ago now. it's been quite the learning process, and pretty frustratingly slow, but i do feel much better and got back on my bike last week to ride to church. i still am amazed at how much i'm learning about taking my own physical health for granted, even living in a hospice, and about being able to ask for help. thank you all for your prayers, cards, packages (grams!), and love.
joseph's house is still keeping on. i've been working some more overnight shifts lately, which is a little hard for me but also can be a really nice time to connect with people in the house more one on one when everyone else is gone and things have quieted down. it's especially nice tonight after having been gone for a few days back to PA for thanksgiving. the feeling of walking up these steps and through these doors and have my friends here say, "we missed you!" and "it's good to have you back," and "welcome home!" it's beautiful. i continue to be grateful for this place of so much learning. and, i'll probably put a link to it on here when it comes out, but look for a big article about joseph's house in the washington post on tuesday december 2nd.
time back in pa for thanksgiving was really nice - it's always good to see family and friends, especially when i don't have school work looming over my head the whole time. and it was really nice to share all of that with david. i'm amazed at how, thoughout my life, i have been blessed with so many beautiful relationships.
as i look to the future, i've begun looking into different masters in social work programs around the dc area... i want to stay here, as it feels more and more like home, and i can't imagine leaving j-house, new community church, or my friends here. i feel a little uncertain about applying to grad school because i don't have a really clear vision of what i want to do with the degree, but i know that my options would be vast, and i feel like next fall will be about the right time to start something new. we'll see. please continue to keep me in your prayers as i work on applications and discerning what the next step is.
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