no day but today.

i realize more and more with my time at joseph's house that there truly is no day but today. i have, we have, only this day, this moment. no other time is promised to us or to those we love. we receive so many phone calls from people who expected that they had more time to talk to someone they loved, only to find out that that person has died. there are so many unfulfilled promises, unresolved conflicts, unspoken words of love.

i have this day, this moment, to love.

fall.

well, it's finally fall here in washington dc. and a beautiful fall it is. the trees are gorgeous, the weather is just cool enough for a coat and maybe a scarf. but mostly, i just love the trees and the vibrant colors.

it's so fascinating to think that these leaves are so gorgeous because they are, in fact, dying. once again, a poignant metaphor for my reality here, especially at joseph's house. the beauty that there can be in dying. i've never thought too much about this metaphor in a physical sense. i've pondered in the past the idea of dying to ourselves and coming alive to Christ, and how there is beauty in that idea of death. but it's also kind of amazing to think about physical death, the death of the body. our bodies are incredible things, and to watch someone become aware of the slightest sensation, to treasure every single breath, to be in that far off and sacred place between life and death is kind of incredible. being with someone who is dying at j-house is for me even more beautiful than seeing a gorgeous red or golden tree in the fall. and at the same time, with both comes the nagging thought of the imminence of winter, of the barren and the cold. and in the midst of the beauty, there is a deep sense of loss and mourning. and the many, many tears i cry are for both: for the vibrant glory of life and the barren emptiness of death, for the beauty that aches.

i pray that i would continue to have eyes to see the beauty around me and to have a heart that continues to love to its fullest extent even when winter seems to be pressing in all around.

prayer request.

please pray for my housemate chris and his mother, rebecca. rebecca was hit by a car on sunday and is still in the intensive care unit in the hospital. she has a broken pelvis and will have a hip replacement soon, as well as some swelling and bleeding in the brain. please pray for a complete recovery and for peace for her and her family.

thank you, friends.

beautiful moments.

lately, my blog has been kind of heavy. and that's because a lot of what i'm experiencing lately is heavy. but my life has also been full of really beautiful moments lately, as always. and i'd like to share some of them with you.

.:taking a bike ride with one of my roommates down by rock creek park last weekend in the late afternoon sun and laying under a beautiful red tree in the leaves and talking about life.

.:seeing the stars and venus and the beautiful moon on my 6:30 am walk to work, and being in awe.

.:going trick-er-treating with my little cousins last night and hearing one of them giggle uncontrollably and say loudly, "happy halloween, everybody!"

.:carving a pumpkin with my roommates on monday night and listening to "thriller" and all the villain songs from random disney movies. and dancing. :-)

.:getting and bragging to everyone about a manicure yesterday in honor of halloween from one of the j-house loves and coming away with beautiful orange nails with black stripes to celebrate the day. just to celebrate life, really, too.

.:sitting on the couch late last night with one of my housemates and just talking and listening about our jobs and kids and death and life.

.:getting in bed with one of my loves at joseph's house during my saturday shift last weekend and snuggling while we "watched" some of "psycho" and had pillow talk.

.:seeing the sunset this morning, all pink and streaky and gorgeous (finding beauty even in 7 AM shifts!).


.:my life is full of beauty and love. i am so blessed:.