merry christmas.

i know it's a day late, but still - merry christmas.

i am so blessed and my life is so full. i got to spend christmas eve and christmas morning with my beautiful family at joseph's house. we went to a lovely service full of laughs and beauty, followed by a great dinner and some singing together. then a sleepover with some wonderful girls, then a christmas morning full of good food (i made red and green food dyed grits!) and time to just be together. and also, a few games of christmas twister. sweet.

i almost cried walking to the metro to head up to PA to spend the rest of the day with my family. how rich in love am i.

incarnation?

i've been thinking lately about how incredible it is that God decided to become human. i mean, it's really incredible. God took on a body like ours, with hands and feet, hair and lips, and in this body, he felt the immensity of the pain and the joy that we as human beings experience on a real, physical level. it's really amazing. it's also kind of incredible that we have these bodies, these physical sensations, the ability to move, to talk, to hug.

i realize more and more this year that i feel love through physical touch - it's one of my "love languages," i guess, more than i thought it was. i love all the times of snuggling on our dirty old couches with my housemates and laughing, watching movies, talking, singing, or just being quiet together. i love getting in bed with one of my joseph's house loves. i love holding someone's hand or arm to help them up or down the stairs. i felt so incredibly loved and moved the other morning when i walked into my pop's room at j-house. in his usual manner, he said in a coy kind of way, "what you doin' here so early?" "it's 7:30 already, pops!" i answered him, coming over next to his bed. "what you doin' here so early? come over here and gimme a kiss!" i laughed as he puckered up his lips and came over to plop him a big one. then he took my hand as he lay there in bed. "your hands is freezin!" he exclaimed, taking my little white hand in his two big black ones and rubbing, rubbing it to get it warm. "where were you at? how'd your hands get so damn cold?" i laughed again as i told him it was cold outside this morning, and then we just looked at each other while he rubbed my hands. at that moment, i felt so loved and cherished and known that i started to cry a little bit. it was beautiful. it's so incredible that we are able to touch one another, both in body and in spirit, in love.

i also realize how frail our bodies are, mine included. Christ experienced that fragility - both coming as a tiny baby, and dying on the cross. for me, sitting in a room with a person who is dying, or stranger yet perhaps, with a person who has just died, makes me so aware that our bodies will change. they are not guaranteed. they are fragile. this came home to me today. when i came in to sit with my pops this morning, he was feeling pretty weak and tired. i sat down next to his bed and took his hand. then he looked at me, his face pale, breathing heavily, and he said, simply, "i'm dying." "what?" i said. i couldn't quite hear him, or maybe i didn't want to. "i'm dying," he repeated. and i said nothing in return. there was nothing to say. i could only hold his hand and look into his eyes and just strain with my whole being to pour love, so much love, through my hands, through my eyes, and into him.

o God, i don't want to loose my pops. i think that there must be eternal life, but it seems so far from this one, these bodies.

anesthesia machines.

i have a funny story for today.  

i rode with one of the residents to the ER today - my first ride in an ambulance.  it was thrilling.  honestly, it was a disaster through and through - a problem that he's been having with a really high fever, uncontrollable shaking, and complete lack of ability to respond verbally in anyway.  this lasts for about an hour or so, which is terrifying, after which he becomes his normal, hilarious self again, which happened just about when we finally arrived in the ER.  figures.

this little cycle has landed him in the hospital about 4 times already in the past month... and today was number 5.  thankfully, i guess, he wouldn't have it.  and after spending most of the day in the ER, with nurses sticking him and taking his blood, which he is none to happy about, he decided to sign an AMA (Against Medical Advice) form and high-tail it out of there.  and despite the fact that we spent the day in the ER, we actually had a fun time just being together, the two of us.

here comes the funny story... as we sat there, i told him that my dad makes anesthesia machines.  he proceeds to say that it's a good thing he does that, with daughters around, because then if there are any boys hanging around his little girls that he doesn't particularly like, and i quote, "he can just say, 'get your ass over here boy, you're going to sleep for a long time!'"  haha.   this coming from the man who said to me the other day, "a sammich (sandwich) ain't a sammich less it got miracle whip!"  classic one-liners.  

i'm still very much in love with j-house, with my house, with dc, with this year.  through all the hard stuff, all the questions and the searching, my life is so rich.

let it snow.

last sunday in the washington post, there was an article about the new AIDS study released last week by DC. the reporter talks a little bit about my friend josh and joseph's house - check it out if you get a chance.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/11/30/AR2007113001753.html

also, it snowed today. the first snow i've seen down here this year. and it was lovely.