weeping, wheaton, wedding.

thank you to all of you who still check this blog... i know i haven't been very good about updating it regularly, but i do appreciate your care for me and interest in my life! the past two months have been full of holiday travels, including a trip to utah to spend time with david's family, applying to grad schools for a masters in social work program that i hope to start next fall, and most recently a trip to wheaton.

it was so fascinating to be back on that campus; so much feels like it's changed in the past two years for me. i had the privilege of speaking about joseph's house at a class that i took when i went to wheaton called the rhetoric of AIDS; it was a great blessing to be able to share about my experience, and i also felt so grateful for my life. i remember what it was like, sitting in those seats at a table, listening to lectures and reading texts and thinking, "how in the world am i going to do anything to help? i'm sick of talking and reading and writing; i want to do!" and here i am, doing it... and sometimes, doing it consists of washing dishes or cleaning dirty toilets. ah, the realness of life. i think the combination of talking about joseph's house, especially remembering so many of my friends who have passed away, and seeing the beautiful and heart-wrenching photo exhibit in the billy graham center on campus about AIDS in africa led to a major breakdown, a sob-fest like i haven't had in a long time that ended with me sitting on the floor in a stall in the bathroom with a wad of toilet paper. i guess it sometimes takes space from this place, from joseph's house, to really mourn and grieve fully. beyond that, though, i also got a deeper sense of the immensity of this epidemic - for every person that comes to j-house and dies there in comfort and love, there are thousands more all over the world dying alone and in agony. i really want to believe and trust that with Christ, the kingdom of God is here, now, as well as coming in all its fullness. i believe that Christ came to bring life to the full, but i don't see Christ's resurrection made real in this awful disease; death seems to have the victory where AIDS is concerned. i pray that God would stir the church and stir my own heart to act both with compassion, to care for those who are sick, and with justice, to combat the poverty, the ignorance, and injustice that lead to the continued spread of HIV. Jesus, we need Your love and healing in our broken world.

my time back on campus made me reflect that, despite the fact that my journey is pretty different from the evangelical subculture of that place, i am so grateful for the education i received at wheaton and for the friends i made there. my trip out to the midwest was also a lovely time to connect with friends from all walks of life and to spend some really nice time with my family. the reason for my trip to wheaton was my sister emily's senior piano recital, which was simply amazing. she gave me such a gift in asking me to play my flute with her for one of the pieces, and i am always blown away by the joy it is to make music with my dear sisters. it is definitely one of my absolute favorite things to do in life. and she performed the piece that my grandfather wrote, which was pretty incredible. i have some pretty awesome, beautiful, talented, amazing sisters.

so other than traveling, waiting to hear from grad schools, and trying to stay grounded here at j-house in the midst of it all, the other new thing is... david asked me to marry him last weekend (no, he didn't get down on one knee because we were sitting on the edge of the cliff at great falls park, overlooking the river as the sun set on the opposite side...sigh)! we are engaged, and that's still a little crazy to write! it's so exciting though, and i feel so blessed to have in him an incredibly kind, compassionate, passionate, fun, loving, Kingdom-seeking man to journey on this path of life with. my greatest joy in life, i think, is to journey together with others, to really be together and connect with another person on a soul level - this seems easier on the edge of life and death, which is one of the reasons that i love j-house so much. so i am so excited to start this journey with david, committing to one another and to living out God's kingdom together. and our shared commitment to being in community makes the possibility for this journey together even richer. i ask for your prayers for the two of us as we embark, as well as for the process of planning a wedding hopefully for this summer. and i am grateful for the communities that surround us in our families, our friends both here in dc and all over, our church, and j-house and c-stone. what a joy to be able to share our joy with you all. thanks be to God, and Lord, hear our prayers!